Month: April 2023

I sometimes hear my kids’ fill-in-the-blank:

“I want to be a movie star when I grow up.”

“I want to play in the World Cup when I grow up.”

“I want to be (insert something famous people do) when I grow up.”

Or their desire for a job when they grow up orbits around being paid a lot, not having to work too hard, and no one telling them what to do. Because that’s the antithesis of school.

These replies almost always fall under the category of “famous.” And so I often reply with the question, “How will that be important?”

I profess they want a chance to make a difference – for themselves, others, and those they choose to serve. Aim for making a difference because that’s important. Notice the difference between “famous” and “important.” We all – deep down – want this. Discovering this truth makes a life worth living.

I want to provide my kids awareness around choosing “jobs” or “careers” or “projects” that have significance, where they are treated with dignity and respect (and therefore learn to give it, too). But mostly, this is the environment where they will receive a chance to exceed their expectations of what is possible. And that’s an excellent way to live life.

What they don’t know yet, and what no kid knows yet, is that the sweet spot for “I want to be ______ when I grow up” is to engage with the people you work with to do work that matters with people that care to make a difference.

The type of people that do work that matters with others who care to make a difference are remarkable people. Those are the type of people that exude something that makes us remark to ourselves or others about them. And that is legacy.

He crumpled his napkin at dinner yesterday and let it drop onto his plate. With a gesture of surrender, he signaled that he was finished with his meal. I sat across the table from him, struck by the truth of his gesture: before we can fill our hands with something new, we must empty them first. This applies to our hearts as well.

I’ve often struggled to learn this simple lesson. Holding onto one thing too tightly prevents us from embracing anything else that comes our way. We see this played out in movies, where the drama of stepping into the unknown requires letting go of something familiar.

After my wife and I split, my six-month-old son and ex-wife moved out of state, which caused me a lot of emotional pain. We lost contact during his early childhood, and I held onto his memory tightly, fearing he would fade from my heart and mind. It took a while, but things eventually improved. However, I spent years missing out on crucial things that were right in front of me. It wasn’t until I recognized I was holding onto my past too tightly that I could move forward.

True healing can only occur when our hands are open, and our hearts are free. We can’t move forward if we’re holding onto stones or fisting the past.

This is why courage is necessary. We must have the will to let go and empty our hands, even if it means turning our backs on what we think might be missed opportunities. We must move forward on our journey. Our hearts will heal, and we will find new milestones.

So chin up! Put down your pain, and walk into the next chapter of your life with open hands and an open heart. Your transformation has already been written, and it’s waiting for you to embrace it.

Along the way, there have been tests and many more to come. I’ve met and made allies and enemies. There have been ordeals and showdowns. Difficulties have been the norm. My worst fears have trickled in here and there. Sometimes it floods everything. When we survive this, we are heroes and should give ourselves more credit than we do. The reward is knowledge, experience, and insight that equates to wisdom in the long run. I put my struggles in a noble context. The trials and tribulations I have faced and survived may not seem heroic. But knowing that I grow as a result, that it can make me a better person, makes it easier to relax and sit in the moment wiser for the time. And without needing to explain it away, either. That’s what I call bravery.

If my success is a progression of challenging yet surmountable hills to climb, then choosing hills that are not too easy nor too difficult is essential to achieve my goals. Be it in my career or personal life. So I seek to balance setting realistic goals and pushing myself out of my comfort zone to achieve growth. With each successfully conquered hill, I can gain confidence and momentum to climb even higher.

The perfect solution to your money problems; health problems; relationship problems; or whatever problems don’t appear out of the blue. It’s challenging to start working toward solutions when you don’t know what the end looks like. That’s when you get stuck. My advice is to start down the wrong path right now because I’ve been there so many times. It’s messy, but if you start moving immediately, you cannot help but improve. It’s a series of intricate moves, but you’ll find your way back to where you belong. Go now!