Maybe the Lord gave us a year as a mercy. It was July 2024 to July 2025.
It could have been a time to reckon with how we had drifted from His design for purity. That being the line we had already crossed. When she felt convicted to step back and wait, we should have listened. We should have stopped, humbled ourselves, and taken the leap of faith into the ultimate commitment under God, or chosen to honor His design by waiting.
I could have been more supportive of her initial conviction to return to purity.
It was a sign.
Could have, should have… Didn’t.
Instead, conviction gave way to compromise, and compromise dulled us both into following the status quo we’d already established.
Now we’re no longer. The ache cuts through me like a blade, and I pour out my grief before You, God, for losing her feels like losing part of myself, but I trust that even this suffering serves Your purpose.
The message is loud and clear:
God does not want sleepwalkers. He certainly shook me awake.
Like Jonah, who fled from God’s command and then slept through the storm that followed, trying to hide from what he didn’t want to face. The sailors cast lots, Jonah lost, and he was thrown into the stormy sea. Swallowed by a great fish and delivered to shore exactly where God had commanded him to go in the first place.
I was sleeping through the storm too, hiding from whatever I didn’t want to face. Yet God would not let Jonah remain hidden, and He has not let me remain indifferent.
Please God wash me ashore to where I belonged in the first place.
I repent and pray. I repent again, and continue to pray.
My heart is no longer indifferent. I hear Him. I accept what has been revealed. That being His design for purity. I don’t see it as a burden. It’s actually a path back to life.
I pray for a second chance. I’m speaking directly about a second chance with love itself, and with the opportunity to walk rightly, following His way. To know His mercy is to be invited to begin again.
I’ve prayed for a second chance with her, too, because I love her.
I also accept what must be accepted. God’s lessons and God’s plans. He is a just God.
Every ending, no matter how painful, carries the seed of a beginning. The ending of one chapter is also the same paragraph that starts a new chapter.
If I can stay awake to that, then even in this loss I will not be lost.