We don’t often think about how love gets tested. Not with neat questions and answers, but in harder ways.
A sister’s doubt. A friend’s warning. A memory of being let down before.
Each one presses into the present like a sharp mirror we didn’t ask to hold.
These are the not-so-neat tests of love I’m talking about.
They can feel heavy. But this is the real work of love. That being not to run from suspicion, not to close down, but to stand steady in the middle of it. To keep showing up in a way that lets actions line up with words.
Ultimately, I think it comes down to our trust in God. I have prayed so many times over the last couple of months,
“God, I give this to You. I hand it over to You. You’re in charge. Your will, not mine.”
For years, I thought the safe way was to harden. Build walls. I didn’t name it that way at the time, but in hindsight, that’s exactly what I was doing.
I was compartmentalizing my life so I could stay in control. It kept me safe. It kept me loving my children in a way that no one could touch. I wasn’t going to let the world bruise me twice.
Then I fell in love. I lost that love. And now I am regaining it.
Somewhere in that circle, I realized that a soft heart is stronger than a hard one. It listens. It bends without breaking. It stays open when retreat would be easier.
Except, in my breaking open and becoming whole, in my great softening, retreating wasn’t easier.
Did I ever lose that love? Yes and no.
I see now that love doesn’t move in a straight line.
It circles back. It pulls old stories into the present. It tests our patience and asks if we mean what we say.
And through it all, it keeps moving as one continuous current.
For me and Lady, that current has been an undertow, carrying us to where we were always meant to be.
We don’t always get to draw the map. Yet we do choose how we travel.
I now choose to be soft, open, willing to let trust take root. Time is on my side.
Now that some time has passed, I can see what was true all along. That every turn, every test, every warning was leading us here. Exactly as we had always planned it, even when we didn’t know how the plan would unfold.
Love’s not a straight line we draw. It’s a current we learn to trust. And for me and Lady, every turn has only been a way of leading us home.