There was no need for another phone call. The break was clean and things were clear.
Besides, the track was waiting, nine lanes wide, enough space for me to run down all my hurt.
I no longer had any questions. There was no more waiting in anticipation.
So I ran hard, harder than I thought I could. I dug deep, made it hurt, and let the physical pain match the hurt I carried.
When I came home, I slowed down. A long soak in the bath. A clean, careful shave. An early bedtime. My kids tucked me in with care. They understood without saying much.
Rest came with acceptance. I felt what I needed to feel. I let it settle when I closed my eyes.
I will not fault myself. My hesitation was justified. My reflections were true. No one is perfect. Not me, not her. I know how well I treated her, and I know that will stand the test of time.
I would have gone all the way with her, but it was too late. Her heart changed. That is not on me. She has a different journey now.
For today, anyway, that’s how I will remember it.
I have a church to lean into. I have everything I’ve always had, and more. Wiser for the time. Ready for all that can come next. I pick up where I left off, simply and happily walking through my days like I was the day we met.
Link: 9 Lane Therapy