I have always been a confident person. I have always known I could keep my promises.
Yet life has its events, accidents, and situations. When they come, confidence can get shaken. Suddenly, you are not entirely sure of yourself anymore.
Bad habits work the same way. They creep in slowly, like weeds breaking through a driveway. Then one day you realize the path you are walking is cracked and uneven. You have to clear it back and repave what was meant to hold your steps.
That was me these last forty-ish days.
At first, it was about her. She was the reason. She was the why. And though she did not return, I will always honor that she was the spark that started this fire in me. I did the work, but she was the catalyst.
Day after day, one small promise, I’ve come back to myself. 30-ish days. I recorded thirty videos, and each one showed me what I mustn’t ever forget: my own strength. My own voice. My steady, original face.
It has been like walking away from a car accident. At first, the work is survival, just learning to move again. Then you notice you are not the same person who went in. Something in you has been re-made.
I see now it was never just about her. It was about me. It was about the Lord, who planted this blueprint in me before I ever knew it. He knew what I needed before I did. He knew the same for her. For that, I give thanks.
Who knows what the future holds? I’m open to all possibilities.
What I wanted was to win someone back. What I gained was winning myself forward.
One small promise has led to a greater, sturdier confidence. Now I know I can keep an even bigger promise, the ultimate promise, that being marital Love.
Now I know the Lord is with me. In a quieter, steadier way, I have greater depth of trust in myself. I fully understand now.