At first, I didn’t believe love could hold it all. The weight of children, past relationships, and divided loyalties seemed so much.
I was fearful. I thought it would undo us, and in a way, it did. My hesitation, my resistance, my fear… that was the majority of what broke us apart.
I carry a lament for that now. I see it more clearly than I ever did before.
The breaking opened me.
I came awake in the undoing.
In letting go, the hand of God steadied me. With that came a new vision of what family can be.
I have long known that my calling is to be a father. I know now that my longing is also to be a stepfather.
To step into the lives of children not my own, to love them as they are, to show them what it means for their mother to be cherished. That love would teach them as surely as any words.
I did not always know this. Now it is obvious to me.
My own family roots are scattered, fragile. Parents distant, sisters drifting, gatherings rare. There is no hearth that calls me back.
The emptiness left by that has shown me how much I yearn for connection that holds.
I have learned strength from my own children. I have walked with them through seasons, moods, and storms. I have learned how to listen, how to steady the pillar they lean on. I am a great Dad, a proud Dad with many wins.
That is the strength I would bring into another family. I would be living proof that love grows through presence.
When I picture the future now, I see a table full of voices, blended families gathered together, laughter rising like a hymn.
I see loss giving way to wholeness. What was once a broken family is not erased, but woven into something larger. Something strong enough to carry us.
This is my awakening: that love can, in fact, expand wide enough to hold it all.
I pray that I get this opportunity. And so it will be. Amen.