Why do I seek to trade uncertainty for control? I see this pattern again and again in myself.
An idle heart wants to make an idol of something, anything.
Yet in my shifting and unease, I am learning to lean into uncertainty. To lean into faith. To trust. To trust God.
And as I do, I feel a slowing within me. A slowing in my work. A slowing in my workouts. A slowing in my drive and motivation. None of these will disappear, but each will become more focused, more deliberate.
Whatever storm landed in me has passed. Now comes a return to calm, like the soft rain that follows a storm.
I see now that when my heart drifts idle, I turn to myself and to my labor: work, work, work, do, do, do. Perhaps that was needed in the past two months. I had to prepare myself for a landing. But now, the invitation is different. It is time to slow down. To pause for a breath. To sit still.
There is nothing left to overcome, nothing to cling to. What is lost is lost, and what is gained is gained. Now there is only wide open country, untouched. How will I traverse into this new region?
There is nothing in myself worth grasping, nothing to place my faith in except God.
And God says, You cannot control me. But you do not need to. I love you.
I can rest in that. I can sit with that reminder. I can be secure in prayer to Him. And perhaps this slowing is not a loss but a clarity. Not passivity, but trust. A way of laying down control and finding, at last, a posture of rest in God’s love.
So it shall be. Amen.